What does one reflect about in these corona-times?
Well, first off, fuck China. As if Birdflu, SARS, H7N9, etc., is not enough. Now they’ve taken away our plans and pursuits; our daily routines and jobs; and have placed people around the world in body bags, urns, and six feet down the dirt.
That’s right, I said it.
I mean, why the fuck would you drink bat soup or eat a motherfucking pangolin? Have you seen these things? I mean, look at this animal.
Now, I know not everyone in China eats pangolins. And some may say such comments are irresponsible, insensitive, and xenophobic? Maybe so, but I am no public or political figure. I am here today as your typical human— standard-stupid, scared, paranoid, and quick to point the finger.
But after the frustration of being laid off, being cooped up, paying the bills, rent and loans… well, you begin to just deal with it.
I’m not religious, but just like the prophets of biblical texts, after they’ve isolated themselves in the desert/cave/whatever; after they have scorned god, society, their lot in life, etc; they start looking into themselves. Because after you’ve blamed everyone else and there’s no one left to point the finger at, you begin to look in the mirror.
And, wow, it’s been a while.
I’m not talking about the typical rituals of aesthetic maintenance, spiritual affirmations, or inspirational power fantasy quotes that get you “motivated”. No, I’m talking about deep, secret, vulnerable ruminations you don’t want others to know about.
Because after the relief of entertainment, recreational and pharmaceutical drugs (thank god for these) have worn off, the silence then becomes too loud.
It screams and nags and bitches at you. And your primary defense is to say, “it’s not my fault”, as if it matters. Because who gives a flying fuck whoever or whatever is at fault? At the end of the day, it is still your life to live now, tomorrow, and for as long as you live. The world ends when you die; the rest of us will just bury you.
Now it has been a few years since I posted. And as strange as it may seem, coming out of this train called “life”, I didn’t think it was going to take that long. But the next thing you know, life is there and this is yours now. Everyday the minutes dragged on, but the years flew by.
And now we’re here— alone, bored, analyzing, distracting, introspecting, strategizing. All because we have been derailed from our regular routines and everyday “commitments”.
Perhaps this is freedom?
Because at some point, especially as an American Capitalist (I know that term gets a lot of flak these days; but as an immigrant, my family and I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for the same system), we have to find a way— a way to make it better and take advantage.
Because capitalism isn’t good or bad. It doesn’t care about that shit. It is not immoral but ammoral. Just like nature; just like this virus.
So what shall it be?
The cards have been dealt. No one knows your hand but you. Will you check, bluff, or fold? Is it over or are you up for more? Because there will be more.
This thing isn’t going anywhere anytime soon (at least not for you or I).
And just like in Littlefinger says in GOT, “Chaos is a ladder.” Now the only question is: are you going up, down, or nowhere?
Everyone at some point will die, including the coronavirus. The only real choice is: how do you want to live?
Such are the things that come into mind in these dark and stagnant times. At least for now…
Till the next rant!