r.g. tamaki

Procrastination: The Heart, The Penis, The Asshole, and The Brain

3017832-inline-multitasking

I gasped back to life.

The alarm is ringing. It’s 5 a.m. Time to get to work. (more…)

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The Risk Of Safety: The Battle For Yourself

shadow-nosteratu-movemtnWho are you? What are you? What do you want?

These are not philosophical questions, but rather simple, practical questions. After all, the human race has already fought its way through war and disease. And today, in the developed world, we no longer fight for God or for country; instead the greatest preoccupation of our generation, our 21st century quotient, is primarily to fight for ourselves.

This is reflected in our modern ads and ideology. Generally we no longer advertise information or utility because you can always google something and there’s always an app for everything. Brand loyalty is also now indifferent of country of origin, production studios, record labels, artists or authors. People buy from everyone because it’s all about personality. Today the products that dominate the market are the ones that tell the world who we are—status symbols that silently project to everybody who we want to become: not necessarily our current selves, but our ideal selves. (more…)

Baby, I’m About To Blow

Tom-Waits-by-Kirk-West

I knew you’d slow me down with your pinky in the air,
but I knew you’re the one when you dipped down with your sable black hair.
I swear I hate this town and that’s how the story goes,
we got fifteen minutes before this goddamn place throws up and blows.

Moonshine, shoeshine, thirty-five dollars for a thong,
drinks on credit and I’m in the gutter singing this song.
It’s past midnight blues and you’re wearing shadow and lace,
but how can I say I love you when you’re sitting on my face? (more…)

Learning to Unlisten

sweetmadness2We live in a noisy world and a noisy time. Even the silent moments of today are filled with noise—filled with a stream of videos, podcasts, blog entries, updates, tweets and texts. Most of our everyday lives are guided by councilors, classes, and curriculum. Our outlooks are influenced by forums, workshops, groups, guides and gurus. Our decisions are ruled by opinions, options, suggestions, and education. There’s all sorts of schooling, training and guidance out there. In fact, there’s an instruction manual for everything even on how to live your own life.

The only problem is: it is written by someone else. (more…)

BATTLE ANGEL

The_Battle_of_Eternity_by_gvbn10

The stars were swept and the sun went out, and then the Devil fell from the Great War in Heaven.

Looking down into the abyss, an Angel of the Sword asked him, “O Day Star, Son of Dawn, why were you cast down like lightning from the mountain of God? O Light Bringer, the once Guardian of Man, why do you now reside in the far reaches of the pit and walk the stones of fire?”

“Well shit,” the Devil replied. “I had to try.” (more…)

Addiction to Acceptable Emotions

emoticons

Forget your flaws! Forget the haters! Do what you like! Do what you feel! Don’t just be a customer; be a happy, delighted, determined, excited, enthusiastic, pleased, proud, peaceful, obedient, and satisfied customer! Why? Because you’re perfect just the way you are!

Yeah, except that I’m not. (more…)

Turning The Tides

carhazard

“I SAID STOP THE CAR! DROP ME OFF!”

I parked by the side of the road. She tried to get out but I locked the doors.

Whoever said, you can’t fight fire with fire, obviously didn’t know shit about putting out fires; and whoever said, two wrongs don’t make a right, didn’t understand that sometimes… well, you just don’t care about making things right.

“LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! I’M WALKING HOME!”

“ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WANT? ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU FUCKIN WANT? YOU WANNA TALK, RIGHT? WELL NOW WE’RE GONNA FUCKIN—”

Imagine looking at it from the outside: Two figures screaming at each other in muffled sounds. One was a silhouette of a slender girl, coming out of the passenger seat and snapping her teeth; and the other was a shrinking finger, pointing bravely in defense for its life.

That one was me. (more…)

The Fundamentals of Failing

kumite2Edward backhanded me in the face, making me step back. I was stunned but not because of the blow; rather it was because it was illegal. Hitting in the face during sparring was not allowed because the school was afraid of parents suing them (which didn’t make sense since tournaments allowed a good bashing in the face).

I looked at the coach but he didn’t see. He was too busy looking at the other fighters who were also sparring.

“You sonofabitch!” I said, smiling in surprise and anger. I felt a twinge of self-hate for looking to the coach as though I needed help, as though I was a rat. (more…)